I’ll write you anything but a bio. Unless it’s yours. I’m down for that. I’ll even write a bio for your goldfish (if he’s into that). Nobody needs me to harp on about advertising agency rites, stints in casting, and political sabbaticals. What you need is someone who’ll be as obsessed with your brand as you are.

As someone who’s prone to drowning in deep dives into ghost kitchens, reads legislation for the bit, and has an unhealthy fixation with cameras that are older than my parents, it’s safe to say I’m a glutton for the pop, the niche, and everything in between.

Whoever you are, I can’t wait for you — and your brand — to be my next muse.